Mexico

So before I went to Mexico… I needed to get as far away from him as I possibly can. He was intoxicating. However, I knew that by me leaving my family with temporary custody of my daughter, he would take full advantage by filing for full custody. Instead of giving him the chance, I called my lawyer and filed for a paternity test. Why? Because if he filed for full custody, he would definitely win her over my family, but if the court wasn’t sure that he was the biological father, they certainly couldn’t give someone they weren’t sure he was the father custody of a child.

You following me? It wasn’t like I planned all of this. Really, by the grace of God all these things just came into play for me. I left in September with the next court date being in October. With the DNA request filed that gave me another six weeks to finish up in Mexico, come home before he could file. What stood my luck and in his way were the holidays. Halloween isn’t per say a holiday but it almost is so that was in my favor. By the time they filed the next court date they’d either have to do it before or after Thanksgiving which was probably already booked up. So then they’d have to do it before or after the Christmas Holidays. Which was also probably booked up. By the time he could actually file for full custody I’d be back before he even knew I was gone.

On the day of the court I was able to talk to my lawyer. And she is laughing but apologizing at the same time. She asks me how I knew what he was going to do. I really didn’t but something told me to do what I did. She is still laughing just getting a kick at what I had predicted she calmed herself down then she is  down to business

He couldn’t file for full custody because of the DNA test. She tells me that I should have seen his face when she mentioned that. (Hence why she was laughing). But he managed to get visits. He claims to be the father which gives the court a right to give him some. They tried to schedule a court date. She starts laughing again. She tells me it was like what I said, the calender was full.

Basically, the court was set for next year in January and I was back on my birthday in December. It worked out just the way I said it would: by the grace of God. I didn’t cleverly plot and plan any of this. Remember I was too far gone off the state of shock I was in from the trauma I had experienced.

The fact that it happened that way, I said it before I will keep saying it, God had to have been carrying me. I am trying to convince myself of that because there is no other way I am still alive and/or not or in jail. Absolutely nothing in this world would had allowed me to survive what I survived. Especially after this…

I am back before our next court date and now I am visiting him too. When my father would take her for her visit I was right behind him.  He’d ask me where I was going and I’d tell him the same place as my daughter was going. So naturally, I am back with shit hole, face, blah, blah… 

Now we have a plan. We are going to get out daughter back together. I thought that was always the plan. Of course it was. He sounded so reassuring. First step: meet with out lawyer as parents. We go see my lawyer first. That didn’t go too well (I’ll let it be known why later). Second step: meet with his lawyer.

I was nervous from the meeting with my lawyer but that day my stomach was really bothering me. They are talking but I’m not listening. I finally open my ears to hear his lawyer ask him if it was okay to show me his rap sheet. First line of his rap sheet: accused of molesting a minor/child(ren). My head starts spinning. I have to throw up.

I excuse myself to the rest room. My head is spinning. My stomach is churning. My eyes are swelling. My children are in danger. What do I do to keep them away from him? He doesn’t even know that I am pregnant again. Oh, God, she needs to get adopted. Our daughter can’t be around him. 

I walk back to the lawyers office. They both look at me. They noticed how pale my face got. His lawyer cuts the meeting short. My head was spinning. All I could think of is adoption, adoption, adoption, my head is spinning. I feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head. He grabs me and starts talking to me. (Adoption, adoption, adoption, adoption).

One thing I learned from people especially aggressive people, they stop at nothing to get what they want. Now I wanted a family, a home, have a job, my man working, too, even if it was selling drugs. I just wanted a life at what they call “the American dream” but it didn’t turn out that way. I guess he wanted what he wanted more than I wanted.

The difference between me and him: he will stop at nothing to get what he wants at all costs – of others. I will stop at nothing for others – at all costs because there is nothing that I want more than anything – to be happy. I don’t want to hurt you if I want to be happy. What do I get out of hurting you, or anybody in any way?

So he went to great lengths to make me look, feel, expect, wait for, in every which way he could to be bad, at all costs. At first he went around telling people that I would leave because I wanted to be out there getting high. I was chasing the bag. When people noticed that I had the bag, it shut him up. Only it made him more aggressive.

He’s walking around trying to make me look like a dope fiend, like a liar, and worse, he wanted people to believe that he actually loved me. I went around clearing my name of all the shit he was saying. He really did some shady I mean SHADY SHIT. Things I won’t dare post on here. I went around being his fool. Only no one actually knew what I was doing. Once again, by the Grace of God.

First, I had to make sure that what I was doing was the right decision. I mean who am I to take somebody’s children from them? God gave them to us and only God should be the one to who could take them away. Not CPS, not your family, not your friends, not any one who things they are doing you any good. God gave them to us and only God should be the one to take them back. So here I am trying to play God.

I am trying to keep this man’s children from him. What gave me that bazaar idea? Well being accused and not clearing your name, is as guilty as you doing it. If you don’t clear your name from something like that either something happened to you like you falling down a hole or you did it. Besides there were other reasons for me to believe that it wasn’t just an accusation. 

Well I test him. We go to the court date and we are going to talk to the judge directly because I am now pushing for her to get adopted. Only he doesn’t know and I ask my lawyer not to let him find out. He went in the talk with the judge first. That was when I broke it down to my lawyer. At all costs, even if I had to lose her too, I had to protect her. As we sat down, talked, and cried she saw that my mind was made up.

At all cost, I had to give her up for adoption, but, hold on, there is a six month period to prove to the judge we can take care of her. First test: what was he going to do to her back. I was not going to fight for him and if I fought for her, I was never going to get rid of him. I sat back to see what he was going to do for her. Second test: let him know that I’m pregnant again. He says to me: “A keep a nigga baby.” I didn’t say anything. The mext day, according to him, I miscarried. 

 He failed the second test. I already knew he failed the first test. Without me to fight for us, he was going to do nothing to get her back. At all cost to him was either get her to be with me and since he had me what did he need her for. I will prove that in a minute. I have six dreadful months before the adoption starts. 

The whole six months he does absolutely nothing. I already knew he wasn’t going to let me do anything so for six months I had endure his abuse to make it perfectly clear that I was not playing God. I was protecting my daughter from this monster. I can’t even give an example without clamming up or breaking down in tears. There was nothing nice about him towards me. 

The final court date before they proceed to the adoption process was coming up and I was almost relieved. I was holding my breath. One day he asked me where all my cloths was. He always threw my things out the window or out the door or doing something stupid. What he didn’t know is that this time I was taking them to my mother’s house. I told her that as soon he lost custody, I was out of his life and together we keep him out of mine. 

My dad even asked me what I was doing with all that cloths, I asked him if I could wash it. He didn’t know what me and my mother had talked about. It was too complicated for my mother to comprehend so I know she didn’t tell him since couldn:t explain to him. I was just relieved that he let me keep it there just a couple more days. We days away from the court date.

Let me remind y’all that he had six months to prove to the courts. I put up with six months of torture. Which was so worth it for my daughter. No child, not just mine, should ever see, hear, feel, not even be around what he did or him for that matter. I already gave you an example of my cloths. I never had anything to wear. Not that we went anywhere any way. I swear though, by the Grace of God, I always found cloths, or someone would be giving away cloths so they’d give them to me. 

Coming up, court.