Or so I thought. The day of the court date. He decides at the last minute, he doesn’t feel good. He wasn’t sure if he had to work. Every excuse came out of his mouth. I was fine. I knew the consequence. I got ready and was on my way. Up until that point, only my lawyer knew about the abuse and my mother had been lying with and for me. His lawyer was extremely upset. All I had to do was speak the trurh, proceed with the adoption, and we are out of each other’s lives.
My mother testified, I testified, and on record apologized to my mother. She went through it with me since she was the only one I could talk to. Now it’s on record as him being a danger to children. My testimony granted me an open adoption, closed for him. It was the most difficultt decision I had to make in my whole entire life. I just wanted to get on with my life.
It is not that easy. Of course not, nothing has been easy up until this point in my life, why should this be? During the process of her getting adopted, the parents (me and him) still have a chance to prove (our) themselves. Even after the paperwork has been filed. The adoption has to be finalized – completed with all forms and processes sealed and delivered to the state for it to to be filed and it is so: the child is no longer of the birth parents but rather of the parents now on the birth certificate in their archives.
That means I have another six months to deal with this bastard. I already knew what I was going to do with the baby I was carrying. Well no I didn’t, but with the Grace of God, everything is possible. I didn’t hesitate to leave. He no longer has visits and the next six months will be just like the last six months. I move to a little town.
He doesn’t know this place even existed. Since he had changed the password to all of my accounts, we weren’t going to be able to communicate. Three months without his stessers on me. Until, I get a message on a phone I found at my parent’s. Again, God. I have a message telling me he changed my password back. The only message I see: “I look for your kids, I find you. Right?”
[Unfortunately, during all of this, on June 9, 2014, I lost my brother in a fatal car accident. My cousin, came that morning but the massage wasn’t clear. Six months later, that cousin passed away. Up until this point, I still hadn’t heard from the father of my children. The homies, the streets,consider him passed. They had a memorial for him. I wasn’t ready to accept that until now that learning how to deal with it.]
I am back in the city the next day. It wasn’t long before he went to jail and I had my. Only it was different. I actually had a family who wanted to adopt him. The couple had been trying to have children. They found out, she couldn’t have any. Me and him already have a son. So now they want to adopt his brother. Bitter/sweet everything. Since, I gave power of attorney to my lawyer to make any and all decisions to expedite the adoption since I already had his parents.
My ex has four daughters and he sees three out of the four. His one and only son, he has never met. I made sure of that the day I woke up with a dog choker around my neck or maybe it was because he shaved my head or maybe it was all the girls he cheated on me with or maybe it was when he went my friends house waving a gun threatening not to let me in.
I remember the day I didn’t cry. I looked him straight in the eyes and almost laughed at the abuse. He tells me that I’m sick (I‘m sick?) Because I was smiling, he says that. He asks me what I was smiling for then. I just told him that this was worth it. He didn’t understand then. I don’t think anybody did.
Once again! Who am I to take any one’s child from them. Unless, you know with evidence that which you can prove the child is unsafe. I had that along with witnesses and the fact that he proved it to the courts when he opened them one last time. He lost full parental rights and a closed adoption. I haven’t seen him for two years now. The same year my daughter was adopted.
It took four years for her adoption to finally go through. He opened the court three times. Everytime he did that it stopped the adoption process to give him six months to satisfy conditions the court applied to his petition. The adoption process takes another six months. When I decided she needed to get adopted she was weeks shy of her first birthday. She turns six next month.
The reason for him openeing the courts, he blames me for losing his rights. I wasn’t with him when he opened the courts. As soon as I would go back with him, the abuse started and he forgot about the courts and my baby. He thought I miscarried my son.
Thank you.
On the road to recovery. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Post-partum depression untreated. Still don’t have another doctor. The side effects of a broken down mother which is what defines me as a women. So when that was taken from me, I lost myself as a women. I was already lost as a daughter, as a sister, an aunt, but when I lost myself as a mother, I almost didn’t come back. Even if you found me, you wouldn’t have found ME.
-Francisca Victoria Rios aka Kika.
Can we create what God did? 