I am writing

Not for publicity, not for an audience to feel sorry for me, nor am I seeking attention for anyone to back me up or to even understand me. I am writing to write. Hoping that I get better at it so that one day someone will read what I actually write. That’s why some of the stories are shorter. I also don’t want to lose the one and only reader who does read any of the content on this website. And please do not hold back on saying anything you want to say or an emoji rolling you eyes. I will even accept not hate but unlike comments. Because everyone has a right to their opinion. Or to correct my spelling or my compose or fix sentences or thoughts or ideas. Anything. Of course, I am writing for me. It is feeling like therapy to me.

I noticed I didnt’t introduce myself. Hello World my name is Francisca, a female from San Francisco focused on freewriting but taking it from a literal content. This to me is free writing. Just writing with with no particular order just whatever comes to mind. By the way my name means free a word used during import/export trade and eventually the word became the monetary frank. Anyway, I was born and raised in Frisco. And no, I wasn’t named because of the city. I was named after my grandparents on my mother’s side. Ironic their names were Francisca and Francisco. Both have passed. But I named my son after my grandfather. So I grew up in a middle class neighborhood with six siblings and cousins who came for the summer every summer; or aunts and uncles who were there until they got on their feet; of friends; or the daughter/son/niece/nephew of a friend in Mexico; or friends of friends. Basically my house was never empty. We always had parties on the weekends. With so much family and friends and their families, it was always someones birthday, anniversary, babyshower, baptism, quincañera, or it was Christmas, New Years, Jesus Day, magic day, eclipse day, day of the dead, which by the way my family never “celebrated” like they actually do in Mexico. I am six out of the seven and the youngest girl. Like that makes a difference because it doesn’t. I had 4 brothers, one passed, and two sisters. For those who know me don’t try to make look like a liar and try to say that I am. My family and anyone who we consider family (friends) like to play tricks and be funny with lame jokes or make fun of or just like talking $#17 thinking it’s funny.

My nationality has been a shock to me. Not really. It actually makes me feel real dumb. And here’s why. All my life I grew up Mexican-American, Chicana. Until ancestry.com. Curse you a- no I appreciate them for making me feel displaced. Why? Because all of my life I didn’t stop to think about what a Mexican really is. I, a person who consideres self-knowledge the greatest gift, who reads encyclopedias, dictionaries, and thesaureses, researches subjects like history and science, thrives on finding out something new everyday, and learned how to use useless knowledge, found myself in a conundrum. Mexico = a mixture of Americans. Which means that there is no DNA for a mexican. It isn’t a nationality. If you are mexican that just means you are a mixture of either Spanish, English, African, Portaguese, German, Russian, Italian etc. You get the idea. Once again, mexico is not a nationality, there is no DNA that says Mexican. Being a mexican means you are mixed. And that was not any ones fault that’s just what happened when all the other nations came and raped the Natives of America meaning the people who were already in America. Christopher Columbus thought he landed in India so he called them Indians when in fact they were Americans; already living here who migrated from Alaska, the Netherlands, and others that needed to migrate becaause of the climate. And my uncle proved that when he did the DNA test with ancestry.com He and my father are Spaniard. Which explains a lot about my father. The Spaniards were the ones who betrayed Christopher Columbus and did the opposite of what he wanted which was to learn wbout the culture. Instead the Spaniards violated this nation and wiped more than 3/4ths of it’s population leaving a couple of them in reservations others to fend for themseleves. That’s why there are reservations. And if you have no less than a certain about of their blood in you you get an incentive or benefits. So more than likely if you are Mexican chances of you having Native American blood are probably in the 1/4th the Spaniards did not kill. Because since they not only killed them they raped the women and probably some children. And don’t think that only men rape. Women do too. So who knows how many of those women carried children with the same blood but raised not knowing the minor details.